The reason I could begin typing my train of thoughts in this diary again is because the Mid Year Examinations have all come to an end. Although everybody is celebrating this joyous occasion, I really have this indescribable feeling in myself - To reason that exam is over and we should be happy about it? Or should we contemplate about what a disaster it was, and how badly we will fail? I know, I know. We don't just go through failure once and It is just part and parcel of life. But why do we always fear failure during examinations? Lack of preparations? Lack of revisions? What? I have observed that many people (including me) are burning the midnight oil day after day to revise what they have forgotten or what they have knew but are lazy to recall. Often times, I find that we do this not so we could relearn what we learnt, but just to simply to really just ease our sense of guilt. Besides, what better excuse to fail an exam with '' I really did study!'' isn't it? I really do not understand exactly why people nowadays just do everything at the last moment. Although it works, I think the method is just a load of nonsense.
Anyway, this feeling has been preventing me from escaping a deep, dark void in myself. I am deprived of happiness because i constantly fail to reason why i should be happy when i'm at the verge of failing every paper i took. It would be selfish to freeze time because I don't want to see my Mid Year Examinations result. So i don't really know what to do. Besides, I can't freeze time in any non fictional way possible.
Should i give up hope that i will do well so that I will be much more mentally prepared? Or should i cling on to imaginary confidence that i will have a chance to top the class in a subject? I need to solve this myriad of Dilemma that has been haunting my thoughts recently.
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